Should Men wait to get married?! This is a massive question and one, which I’m sure, divides opinion. I recently watched a video on YouTube which discussed this very question. The video was from the good people at aMensView.
I sat down with Ely, the creator of aMensView, to discuss his views on men and marriage and find out more about the platform.
What is aMensView?
aMensView is an online platform dedicated to looking at life from a man’s perspective through open-minded critical thinking.
Ely, an experienced vlogger and blogger, started aMensView to offer a platform to have conversations about what it’s like being a man in the western world. He hopes it will “encourage men to live up to their potential and to be mindful in everything they do.”
Over dinner, we spoke about the need for men to have a platform to speak to other men about men’s issues. While there have been similar platforms for women for many years now, nothing of the like really exists for men. The increase in male suicide is evidence that we (men) need to start talking about what’s really going on inside our minds.
aMensView touches on a range of issues and is all about promoting men’s personal development in all aspects of life.
Should Men Wait To Get Married?
Ely believes that “in your 20s, it’s about experiencing adult life, overcoming fear and a lack of confidence. Men in their 30s are generally a lot more comfortable in their skin, and have worked on themselves and achieved more. Men should use their 20s to build on their resource base, invest and set a foundation to build a family life. In addition, there is less of a biological reason for men to marry and have kids at a younger age.”
The video contains statistics to support this opinion, stating that divorce rates are lower for couples that marry later in life. In a country where 40% of marriages end in divorce, I personally agree that you need to enter marriage with a mature perspective.
I reflected on my own opinion on this subject. Overall I tended to agree. I had just turned 30 when I got married, having evolved and changed quite significantly throughout my 20s.
I think your 20s is the period when you really start to understand and settle on your core values. In my opinion, a good successful marriage consists of two people who share the same core values, perspectives and approach to life. From my own personal experiences and from my observations, men will tend to really discover who they are from around their mid 20s. So it’s definitely worth waiting until then to even start thinking about making someone your life partner. After all, if you don’t know who you are, then how will you know who you are compatible with?
Our conversation drifted into wider societal issues and the media pressure to have it all right now. Ely added: “A lot of men have pressure to get things done young. We have a youth-obsessed culture and a fear of growing old alone. It’s the Peter Pan syndrome where people want to stay young.”
We both agreed that although there are some pockets of the media that do embrace men’s maturity (i.e. George Clooney and the current Beard trend!), there is a pressure on both men and women to find their life partner earlier on in life. We also agreed that this kind of pressure is not ideal and that being patient and believing that the right person will come along at the right time is one of the keys to a happy and successful marriage.
However, with all this been said, there are plenty of examples of couples who have married young and gone on to have successful relationships. It’s absolutely true that people mature and develop at different stages and ages.
Overall I think it’s about ensuring that you are secure and confident in who you are and that you have a strong set of core values and beliefs before entering into marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful thing if it’s with the right person. You just need to both be as sure as you can be that you are right for each other.
I’d love to know what you think about this subject. Please do contact myself and Ely and let us know your thoughts!